A Quiet Mind

I recently got another tattoo. So recent that it is itching me like crazy as I write this. It was something I have wanted for years now. I got "A Quiet Mind" on the back of my neck. To explain what it means to me would take more words than I care to speak. But, I can try. "A Quiet Mind" is a song by Blue October. It is a major part of the reason, but not all. I have a very chaotic mind. It is constantly racing, working, dreaming, and honestly a dark place. I tend to put things away in the corners of my mind. Yes, I deal with it, but no I will not tell you about it. I work it out on my own. If you catch me on a day I feel like venting I feel very very sorry for you. I have a few, very few, people in my life that get the venting once in a while. Say a prayer for them, it can get ugly. Thankful for these few. 

A Quiet Mind is something I strive for but I know will probably never happen. 

A Quiet Mind also reminds me of a wonderful friend. He was so tortured by so many things in his mind. So many things in life. We spent hours upon hours opening our messed up minds to each other. No judgments. Poured our real selves out to each other. He was desperate for peace. Desperate for a quiet mind. We had a long discussion about this song and what it meant to him and what it meant to me. He died at age 39 on June 1, 2012. He was a man of God, so I know he finally has peace. I am forever changed by him. He calmed my mind. I like to think I had the same affect on him. 

I wrote this a few years ago after a monumental change in my life. Chaos is my friend, I think. I thrive off of it. 

"Feel it creeping up again. Only this time I am completely aware of it and probably able to stop it.....but for once I won't. When it was all spoken, the wall came down....crumbling like an earthquake hit. A wall that will NEVER be rebuilt, I refuse for it to be. Too much of life is spent behind a wall, a wall that hides your true self. I could have kept it up and made it even higher.....only when the earthquake finally hit,  it would fall on me instead of away from me. I could have kept it there for another 20 years, in fact I had made up my mind to do that. But, it was forced out of me - the earthquake was not caused by me...but when it hit, my facade shattered and it was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time....It all comes with a cost though....when the wall is down and you can see for the first time in years, you see the misery on the face in the mirror that was caused by the monster under the bed. Just got caught in the moment when comfort was needed. Now I am free"..
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A Quiet Mind? Probably will never happen, but a girl can dream right?

Rae

Here is the song if you want to check it out

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B05nS0trd30